The whole room went bright as if the sun herself descended down and joined me. Electricity shot through me followed by a sharp pain that cut through my thick skull as if it was made out of butter. I felt my brain bounce inside. Relentlessly. All I could do is let out a booming laughter that amused no one that stood around me in the tiny gym. I could see their mouths opened wide, same as their eyes. They rushed in to help me get the weights I foolishly dropped on me a few moments ago. Directly on my forehead. 70kilos (155lbs) of them to be exact. They simply slipped through my sweat drenched hands. My laughter confused them all. A golf sized lump on my forehead scared them. I stood up and looked around. Grinning I exclaimed: “Meet the biggest klutz that ever worked out here!” This time the joined in as I laughed. The lump on the forehead too!
.
“Let’s go my friends, it’s time to take a chance
We’re back in town, we’re gonna get it done
We got nowhere to hide, we got nowhere to run
It’s been a long time coming,
It’s been a long time coming…
The boys are back and
they’re looking for trouble!”
(Dropkick Murphys – The Boys Are Back)
.
These things happen. They do. I was arrogant for I ignored the inner voice that said “go and wipe your hands before you continue!” Reckless? Sure. Alive? Fuck yes! Lesson learned too. Listen to your inner voice, D! I am! More and more. One thing that I learned in the most painful way is that to grow in life I need to be willing to suffer. Nothing comes easy. Nothing that is worth it anyway. This doesn’t mean mistakes won’t be made. There are still plenty. Failures as well. But that’s ok. Failures help me identify my weaknesses. Sure it’s hard to admit that they exist but it gets even harder if you don’t… With each fail my skin grows thicker. As long as I choose to get I am getting stronger. Taking responsibility. Choosing life. Attacking it. Relentlessly. Lumps and bumps are part of the journey. Aches too. Hurts. Suffering. Damn!!! I feel fucking alive living all of this. Attacking what’s in front of me. Pushing. Clawing. Smashing. Creating. Life.
.
“We rise, we grow
We walk and we stand tall
We never fall
As big as the sky
As far as the dawn…”
(Laibach – The Whistleblowers)