day 154 . the unicorn, part II.

I ask myself why stay in this hell if it’s such a torture? Is it to inflict pain on self for all the skeletons I jammed in every closet within a sight? To inflict punishment for all the indiscretions and transgressions? To flog self into oblivion for all the betrayals of self and people I love? Or is it foolish pride? Fact is that the stubbornness within cost me friendships. I just don’t fucking know why and honestly figuring out the answer to this question further cost me the ultimate price: chasing away what I can only describe as the ultimate love. Still, the worst of all was discovering that for a few long months I completely lost myself. It all stops now. I have plunged and roamed through the depths of hell before. Lingered around convinced that all is lost. Luckily the same stubbornness that cost me friendships and love also has the capacity to get me out of this cesspool of toxic despair.

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