I choose to go on

yes, I have failed. 365 days resulted in about 200 pieces of writing. most horrendous and not to be looked at again. yet they represent a year of my life that has been by far the hardest. ironically, I was saying the same for the year before but proved myself to be wrong. not that I am not wrong. I am. a lot. I’ve been wrong about my ability to generate 365 pieces of writing in 365 days. very wrong. been dwelling on this for too long. 3 months to be exact. now I choose to move on. to get back on the horse. perhaps split off the writing. I have roughly 25 more pieces left to post under 365 but I will not do them in any order anymore. in fact I’ve tried to write more lately to get out of the slump. I guess all the good poetry and prose I’ve read on these pages as well as those of Instagram has in a way subconsciously intimidated me. making me feel less than. which is something I detest for I am who I am. writing was always supposed to be just an expression of my current self. current feels. no matter how abstract or dark. an outlet that allowed me to breathe a bit. then I somehow censored self. stopped. there are other factors involved too. my bipolar disorder that is right now not being addressed. it’s my cross to bear, I know. I am also feeling love in the most intense ways. such ways that I have never before. sometimes it feels like an alien inside that incapacitates me. numbs me. yet at the same time this love that I feel, I don’t think I will ever be able to live without it. so I am making this effort again. to not fail. in life. as a human. or whatever I am. I choose not to disappear. I choose to go on. I welcome anyone that joins me even if only for those few moments when you read my scribbles or look at the visual explosion I attach the writing to. I welcome you all. I may not be the most approachable of being. or nicest. or appearing to be grateful. but I do care and I thankful for every moment of your time. thank you.

10 thoughts on “I choose to go on

    1. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I agree. We tend to forget that we do it in a way to channel out inner demons and fears as well. Not doing it can bottle them all inside which is anything but good…

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      1. Thank you for sharing this piece. It really spoke to me and reflected a great deal of what I go through, and what I think most writers go through, but do not often express. Wishing you many many words ahead. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. So glad to see it spoke to you and truly thankful for your response. It’s comforting to know that many of us battle with this and support each other. Thank you. Have a wondrous weekend.

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  1. Whatever our journey is in this world, however we shape ourselves, it’s great to see you back again, the rawness, the abstract, the shear darkness you paint with, is fucked up and beautiful. I’m looking forward to the continued pieces that you have yet to post, and hopefully, the continued posting after that. And believe me, I see no true failure in what you have done here, I see success, look at the bodies you left behind you, the darkness you shone in the light. Craft me something dark, something raw, and I’ll use it to block out the sun.

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    1. Thank you, brother in poetry. I truly appreciate your thoughts and encouraging words and am glad to try to make a comeback. I canćt wait to visit your poetic world of wicked wonder! And yes! Darkness is where I thrive the most! 😉

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      1. It’s the darker moments where instead of letting sorrow burn your soul, chisel that darkness into stone, let it burn that instead, give them freedom, don’t house it inside, unburdened yourself through the gift you have my friend. Through that, you might not find sanity, but you might find acceptance, not just for yourself, but in the eyes of others, you’ve got a gift, and I’ve missed seeing the word through your eyes.

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  2. Very brave piece. Try to not be so hard on yourself – just the fact that you are here and you are writing says a lot. Thank you for sharing your story. Wish you all the best – speak766

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