I am filled with sadness today. Still processing a recent death of someone that was close to my heart. His shockingly quick demise continues to echo within my soul. Awaiting in horror to see if someone even closer to me is condemned with a different kind of treacherous disease.
I feel like a piece of monumental shit when my worry for them turns to worry for myself. Feeling fragile, both in body and spirit. Moments when I feel invincible rare and nearing extinction. A pesky cough that rears its ugly head at nights becoming one of my regular passengers. My body aching despite my diligent efforts to strengthen it.
I am horrified when I catch myself thinking about my fragility while those close to me are actually battling for life. Am I really this shallow? I am this selfish? I am sad for being that way.
Hah… once again I, I, I!