despicable me

good morning to myself. it’s grey outside. slightly foggy but not in that soft magical kind of way. today feels heavy. it seems heavier than yesterday when I had a kind of a meltdown. meltdown that hurt someone I love in the worst of ways. it was cruel. it was demeaning. it just simply unearth the side of me that I either have hidden expertly or is a consequence of me ignoring the alarm bells that have been ringing in my head for so long now. despite all this wonderful being I betrayed proved once again that she is grander than me and absorbed the abuse then returned with love. I know I hurt her deep nevertheless. Maybe I don’t deserve a second chance yet I will do my best to earn the trust again. hopefully my best will be enough. in my arrogance I have previously thought that I can create my best completely on my own. in my arrogance I thought I can deal with my bipolar disorder on my own. sadly I was wrong. wrong about so many things. I can’t change my past but I can work hard on my future. better future and hope that it is not too late…

3 thoughts on “despicable me

      1. I love how we say that to ourselves with so much conviction. We possess the bravado at the words, but following through on the promise, that is where we need to draw the greatest strength. Even though tomorrow is before us, yesterday, yesterday is a scar that must heal.

        Liked by 1 person

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