day 174 . reconditioning

how can this this…
this thing get so heinous so fast?
I’m actually delirious at times
dreaming awake
supposedly lived a life
can’t remember if that’s true or not
reconditioning…
.
I wonder if there’s a jury out there
weighing in the pieces of evidence
to determine how deep I have sunken
to determine how this chaos came to be
to vote on whether to shower me with stars
or sentence me to an arena filled with hundreds of fallen souls
reconditioning…
.
completely naked
only wearing clown make up
carved into my skull
perpetual smile
vocal cords tied together
reconditioning…
.
alcohol sure is good
reconditioning…
.
echo of a growling smile
crackling through the arena
as the rabid souls gather
salivating over soon to be their prize
not having eaten in days
suddenly charging
tearing the clown apart
gulping down huge pieces of flesh
sounds of soul ripped apart entertains the audience
reconditioning…
.
gathered at the funeral
their mouths salivating
souls vanishing
eyes glued to the pale vessel
reconditioning…
.
what is innocence?
what is guilt?
just a convenient distraction?
reconditioning…
.
guilt
sizzling
simmering
fuck, I hate this condition
reconditioning…
.
eyes closing
shut together
menacing darkness within
eyelids cut
light
out
.
reconditioning complete.

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