speciment DwJ.40, part 6

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never meant to. truly never did. to betray you. the thought haunts me. creeping closer and closer. as i flirt with the wide open window. the thought of you keeps me inside. tough i may crawl closer to the edge the thought of betrayal overpowers me before reaching it. ironic how a betrayal of you stops me from soaring towards the dark mesh of asphalt and concrete… it’s not like i haven’t betrayed you before. still do. is this just me assuming you are not strong enough? Is my ego that foolish? as my chest starts to crush under the heaviness of past mistakes and indiscretions i seek to find a way to go past them. clean slate is an illusion. as was my belief i can actually live. weakness exposed seen as a cancerous growth. it repulses. it just may be enough to make you look the other way. to carry on. as i plunge over the edge. pitiful excuse for existence. the world gained absolutely nothing. perhaps the worms will though. after they feast on the rotting flesh. as i am returned. to mother earth. realizing now…i have failed and betrayed her too. just a few inches more… just a few…